ahhhhhhh

where I belong
Originally uploaded by michy.

Contemplating on how fast I should go...fast or FAST. Hahahhaha...Actually, was thinking, "Shouldn't be standing around too long, this is the last trip this season. I wonder when I can go up first next season...." Yup, was already thinking about this coming season. I am SO ready. Sunday was such a teaser, I'm already thinking of a trip. Who's in w/ me?? Tell me soon and I'll prolly be able to get the cabin! Wo0oo0!

I was a brave girl today, I went to the hospital and visited. I'll never get over my dread of them. I'm glad I went today, tho. I was expecting the worse, but when I got there, it wasn't so. Praise the Lord for no intense pain. But please continue to pray.

Hey, hey, I didn't say I TOTALLY regret the choices I've made. Believe me, I wouldn't have missed out on hanging with all you people [and yes, eating all the crazy concoctions you made up, Toby. Or even miss out on your famous inventions]. And LIFTL would NOT have gone down the drain, TOBY! Someone else would just take it in a different way. Besides, the real drive behind LIFTL is Pat. I'm more disappointed in the fact that I'm not very dedicated to school and finishing up that aspect of my life. I'm disappointed that I didn't have as much passion for art as I would like, not to mention the talent. Because maybe if I did, I wouldn't have as much doubt in my life about "what I want to be when I grow up." ::shrug::

I detest hospitals. Still on my knees. Please join me?

What do you say to someone who has just found out that their mom has spinal cancer and it's inoperable? Somehow, the words, "I'm praying for you" doesn't seem like it's much. Even though I know there's SO much power in prayer.

I get on my knees...I get on my knees. There I am before the LORD who changes me, see I don't know how, but there's power, when I'm on my knees..." Jaci Velasquez

As of recently, alot of people have been asking me about school. Yes I'm still in school. I'd say it was because I was indecisive and I never knew what I really wanted to do with my life. The reality of it, I was just chicken s*%@. Yeah, I was too fearful. Now that I've wasted six years of my life, I'm ready to grab it and kick it into gear. Ok, so I wouldn't say that I've completely wasted my life. I don't regret having Mencher, Frank, or Nofsinger as my teachers, they've taught me more than I can ever imagine. Had I gone straight to CCA, I would never have had the honor of meeting these extrodinary people. Not to mention some great friends. And had I gone straight to an intense art college, I wouldn't have been able to serve in so many ministries at church and make stronger relationships with people there. Nor would I have gained the work experience at work. But at the same time, I'm disappointed in myself. I think I've found that my gift is helping others; so much so, that i'll put everything of mine aside to make sure that everything else gets done. I was afraid that if I said No to people, I'd let them down. I was afraid that if I said No, I'd miss a great opportunity. But again, reality of it is, I missed a great opportunity to go to school and complete it. I am embarrassed to say that I'm in school, I mean come on, my LITTLE sister is now ready to go to college. Most of my friends are graduated, but hey, it's a learning experience.

I'm feeling a little better thanks! I'm not in as much pain today. I actually drank coffee today! =) hhahahahha

well what do you know ewu, i grew ;)

About a year ago? I think, I'm not sure, anyways, awhile ago, one Saturday, after practice, the whole teams was going to go to the city and eat at Joe's Crab Shack. I woke up feeling absolutely horrible. I couldn't move, I was doubled over in pain. I thought I could sleep for a few more minutes and then I'd be ok. I woke up to my phone ringing and it was 10:15. The team was asking me where I was and if I was ok. I told them I couldn't go and to just go without me because I just couldn't move, I hurt so much. I had such horrible abdominal pains I was curled up so tightly, I was even surprised I could be in that position. I ended driving myself to the ER where I waited for forever before being shown into a room. Then waited even longer before a Dr. came. I did some tests, Xrays, etc. and they found nothing. As I was leaving the hospital, I see my friends come rollin up w/ a huge balloon that barely fit in the car w/ them. I still have the balloon and it's sitting in the corner of my room. We went home where they chowed down on dinner. But me, the only thing I could eat was plain white rice and apple sauce for a week. Then I had more tests, blood tests, more Xrays and ultra sounds. Still nothing. It had nothing to do with cramps, appendicts, my cycle. They couldn't find anything and they had no answers. After about a week and a half, I was fine. Yesterday afternoon, mom and I went to Standford Shopping Mall to pick up something from J.Crew. While eatin lunch, I started feeling funny. Went into Papyrus and I broke out in a cold sweat, had a hard time breathing and felt shaky. Picked up what I needed from J.Crew and went home. Got home and had to go to Pleasant Hill for dinner w/ Dad's side. Could barely eat because I felt so badly. I had the abdominal pains again. Got home around 8:30 and I slept until around 3 this morning. When i woke up, I was curled up really tightly again. The abdominal pains subsided a little bit, but I was still hurting. Went back to sleep and woke up today around 2. I'm not hungry, I don't feel like doing anything, but I need to do some homework. It's a good thing I don't have class tonite, because I don't think I'd make it. Mom says I should go to the Dr if I don't feel better. Why go when they won't know what's wrong with me. Why go when I'll have to sit in a waiting room for hours to tell them it's nothing and it'll pass. I'd rather curl up and throw a blanket over my head.