ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! it's finally happened!!!!! so why's it's been so long since i've updated? because my stupid eyeball wasn't cooperating, that's why! ok, so the 26th, i had a check up. i was pretty excited to go, cuz i'm thinkin, it's gonna be all good! i'm healin just fine, i can get back to normal and, yeah, everything's gonna be fine! WRONG! at my check up dr. leong says that there's another hole in my left eye. it's leaking fluid and it's not good. he doesn't want to put me thru the trauma of another operation, so he ponders on what he should do. [by the way, my appointment was at 11:15-keep that time in mind]. he brings mom in and tells her the problem. after a few minutes of thinking, he says, "ok, this is what i'm gonna do. since there's a hole and we don't want another surgery, i'm gonna put a gas bubble in your eye to fill up the hole. this should block it up and hold everything in place and stop the fluid from leaking." i'm thinkin, ooookkk...sounds like a plan...and then he says, but i'm gonna do some more laser just in case. i say, ok, not a problem. last time he did laser, no pain. so i go to the other room for laser. as he starts, doesn't hurt much and then, it hurts. and i mean HURTS. it wasn't just hot, but it was sooooo painful. it was so painful, i started to shake. i couldn't scream or anything! i was shaking so much, he was saying, don't move! don't move...i said, i cna't help it...he asked, "does it hurt?" you have NO idea how MUCH it hurts!!! when he saw that my whole BEING was shaking, he stopped. then he goes, ok, i'll let you recover from that, then i'll give you some zilocane to numb your eye then i'll put the bubble in. stupid me, "how is he gonna put the bubble in?" DUUUHHHH!!! NEEDLE!!!!!!!! i sit for like half an hour, then go back to the other room and he gives me 2 shots in my lower lid of zilocane. after a few minutes, my eyelids swell up. then he says, ok, time for the bubble. well of course, i can't close my eye so i see EVERYTHING. i see this huge [ok, it wasn't THAT big...] needle comin straight at me and it goes into my eyeball. no, i didn't feel it, but i felt some pressure. he patches my eye and then says, "you have to sleep on your left side with your head lower than the rest of your body." huh??? "ideally, you should be hanging by your feet so the bubble will float to the bottom of your eye, because that's where the hole is. so, left side for a week, no thanksgiving anywhere for you. stay home!" stay home?!? you've got to be kidding me!! i'm gonna miss turkey day w/ the family! and derek and daryl were coming up that weekend too!! grrrr! i finally got out of the office at 4:30!! remember what time i got there?? so for a whole week, i slept on the sofa AGAIN. i took out 1 cushion and that's where my head went. at the other end, i piled a buncha pillows and that's where my feet went. and i couldn't just sleep anyway i wanted to. i had to be only on my left side. ughhhhhhhh...you have no idea how hard that is! for a whole friggin week!!!! from the very start, i wasn't scared or worried about anything. but then after that visit to the dr, i started to get scared. i called someone to let them know that i wasn't goin to be able to do something and when they asked why and if i was alright, i just started crying [so embarrassing! sorry to you!]! i wasn't planning on crying! i was fine the first minute of talkin, but then i just started the crying. i tried to explain what had just happened to me, but i don't think i made sense; i think i talked in circles, cuz they didn't understand me, lol...so for a whole week, i was on my left side, only getting up to eat, pee, and take a shower. ughhhhh....and since i can't read, i've been listenin to lotsa cds like i said before. and alot of prayin. ya know the verse, "be still and know that I am the Lord..." well, that was the verse for me. Let's just say God and I had alot to talk about and it was good...and one song just kept repeating in my head [you can see what it is in my sub].
so today, the 9th, had another appointment. i wasn't worried. ok, maybe a lil, but i had already totally given it up to God. seriously, i just said, whatever happens Lord, i won't complain. my appointment was at 11, and as always, there's a long wait and as always, i'm the youngest one there. lol. it's always old ppl there. i dunno why. newayz, i get shown it, get my eye dialated, go back out, wait 1/2 an hour and then get shown in again. he looks and says, "ok, that's what i like! everything's good!" he calls my dad and says that everything is the way it should be. i don't hafta sleep funky anymore and can pretty much do everything. just not lift heavy stuff, go on any planes, and worst of all, I CAN'T GO TO TAHOE!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! oh, i can't drive either. *sigh* i won't be able to drive till the bubble disappears [6-8 weeks] and i won't be able to go to tahoe till mid/end january, after another checkup with him. even then, if i go up in jan, i HAVE to stay on the green runs. no intermediate or expert runs. BOOOO!!! no point in going! i won't be able to do those till end of february. AGHHHHHHH!!!!! and get this, i had FREE all day lift ticket to sqaw valley that's gonna expire on the 23rd!!! one of those cost 60 bucks, man!! and i was also planning to go up for my birthday!!!!!! eeshhh. well, ok, i shouldn't complain. i don't have to stay on my left side with my head lower than the rest of my body; i won't miss christmas like i missed thanksgiving; i didn't lose any vision....yes....i have a LOT to be thankful for.
thanks again everyone for your prayers and encouragement. it's meant soooooo much to me! can't wait to see ya'll again!
