the past few weeks have been stressful, tiring, annoying, frustrating, sad, fun, and...well, just long. i guess when something bad happens to my health, it's gotta be everything. a few weeks ago, was supposed to go to joe's crab shack w/ youth service team but i couldn't move at all. i was hurting all over and i couldn't eat at all. had to go to emergency cuz the on-call dr wouldn't see me. stayed there for 6 friggin hours to have them tell me that they can't really do anything, so just eat plain rice, nothing else and call your regular dr monday morning. just take tylenol for the pain. geez. and ya know, i still went to work during the week. how dedicated AM i? and i still went to the ria foundation meeting to get stuff ready. by then i was feeling a lil better tho. at least by that day i could walk. so yeah, for a week, lived on plain rice and apple sauce.

2 years. 2 whole years without one of the best people in the world. i can't believe it's been that long. i miss ria so much and sometimes, i still catch myself sayin, "i gotta call ria and tell her about..." weird? *shrug* i dunno. so monday, worked in the morning then ran errands before the candle light vigil. about 45 people came out. thank you everyone for coming!!! it meant alot that you were there =) i thot i'd be ok and not cry, but i cried. then back to the hsiao house to hang out and get some stuff ready for the next day, flier passing. met at cememtery. was supposed to meet at 10 there...first me, then christine, then hil, then byron...waited and waited...and waited....and waited some more. then we started betting on what time the family would get there...hahahahahhaha...i lost. then everyone split up. some went to oakland, jack london square, s.f, san jose, and i went to palo alto/east palo alto w/ theo, tubbs, matt, chris, joey, christine, hil, and byron. the ppl in east palo alto were really nice. most of the corporate businesses said they couldn't post fliers in their store fronts but they posted them in their break rooms. togos/baskin robins said we could even tho we weren't allowed to...that was nice. and many ppl said that they remembered hearing about it...so that was nice. then headed back to the hsiao house to start cooking, but made a stop at in 'n out and albertsons. started cooking and then everyone came over for dinner. it was nice to see so many ppl come and hang out and stuff. i was exhausted tho. so i left around 12. came home and crashed. and i haven't had any nightmares lately about ria, but i had a weird one last nite. i dreamt that i was driving thru the country and then my car got stuck somewhere. i found myself at some college far away; i don't know where, just far away. i walked into this dorm and i see all these pictures of ria, ria w/ ppl, lots of drawings and paintings and a few things that say Maria Ann Hsiao. i'm shocked and then ria walks thru the door. she doesn't know who i am and introduces herself and says that all the pictures are of her and her family and friends, but they're ppl i've never seen before. i started crying and she asked me what was wrong and i tell her that everyone has been missing her and we want her to come home. she looks weired out by what i'm saying and i just run out of the room. i woke up and i actually had tears on my face. it was like a cruel cruel joke...she was really alive and living life somewhere else, but not missing any of us or wanting to come home. so that wasn't the SCARIEST....just the WORST feeling...*sigh*