ok, my attempt to blog without sounding redundant and boring, and whiny, and just plain retarded. what to write, what to write.

yes, again, i should be stuyding. i should be painting, i should be pasting my projects for my portfolio...i should be working on all of those dang "ministry boards," i should be getting stuff ready for the wedding, i should be cleaning my room, i should be SLEEPING! but no, i've resulted to checking my email, chatting, and blogging. *sigh* am i pathetic or what?

i hate nitemares....especially when it concerns ppl you care about and they get hurt. it sux when it feels so real; so real that you wake up and think to yourself, did that really happen?? and you lie in bed wondering if it really happened and you forgot about it, or if it will happen. you lie in bed, you can't go back to sleep cuz it's so disturbing. i hate those. i had one the other nite. scared the heck out of me. so when i called that person just to see how they were doing, and to, in some weird way, give me peace of mind, they didn't answer the phone...i left a voice mail around 1 am. i knew that they weren't asleep, but then it worried me cuz i didn't know where they were at...ahhh, it's complicated to explain. so the past few nites, the stereo has been playing all nite...just to lull me to sleep.

it's weird, i've noticed that when watching tv or movies, i totally cringe and close my eyes at blood, stab wounds, or er-like scenes. it really grosses me out. but the funny thing is, i can watch people get totally blown to bits, beat up, etc...am i twisted or what? eh, who can explain or even understand me...lol.

sheesh, when one person asks, it's like they send everyone messages to ALL ask me. no, i don't have a boyfriend. no, i don't like anybody. no, i'm not dating anyone. no, i'm not going to sb with anyone...i'm not going period. no, i'm not interested in anyone. and no, i'm not "looking" for anyone at the moment ai-yah! stop asking! but since we're on the subject of guys, i've noticed that i like, not necessarily boys that are bad...just boys that are, well, *shrug* ones that i know i shouldn't consider having a close relationship with. the last few guys i've been attracted to were smokers, motor-cycle riding [THAT'S not bad!], kinda foul mouthed, some have KIDS...their morals and values weren't the same as mine. my beliefs, ways of life, and morals are something that are very important to me. so why was i attracted to them? other than the fact that they were good looking, i could always carry a conversation with them, they were all into art/graphics, they were easy to get along with and they were funny. and then i realized, geez, am i being shallow or what? i mean, if the main thing is that they're attractive? so there they went. i'm giving up on guys right now. i'm too busy with other stuff...'sides, boys are trouble...hahaahaha

ok, i think that's enough rambling for now. not that any of it made sense, i mean, good golly, it's 3 am! nite nite