Today was a ::blah:: day. The normal school/work grind and I got to thinking the question everyone asks in their life one time or another [although, I will admit, I ask this of myself quite frequently and I still don't know], "What IS my purpose in this life? Do I even HAVE one?" ::shrug:: I honestly don't know. Often times, I feel I live such a monotonus life w/ nothing more then work and school that I don't have a purpose. I was contemplating all of this while I was taking a shower earlier. That and thinking about what Stacey, Christie, & I were talking about earlier in small groups. They asked me if I really hated high school as much as I complained about. I honestly said yes. Because I hated high school and most of the people I was surrounded by, I never really built lasting relationships. Granted, there are a few that I still keep in touch with. But even then, in those relationships, we've grown apart. I do miss many of the people with whom I had close relationships with. Much of the time, I feel that it's my fault we no longer keep in contact or feel awkward around each if and when we see one another. Why? Because I always feel that in some way I've let them down, I've done something to offend them and/or I just have some much time vested in work that there is no way for me to spend time with them and thus creating a distance between us. So I was thinking about all of this while taking a shower and a few specific people and was at a blank as to what the purpose of my life was. And that question popped up, "What is God's will in my life..." So many people say, keep praying, keep reading the Bible, God will show you, as if it were to appear in black and white and be very cut and dry. Well if that's the case, then why don't I have the answers already? Is there a will for my life? Then I remembered that Stacey gave me a present today and I still hadn't opened it. When I got upstairs, I opened it...."The Mystery of God's Will" by Charles Swindoll. Well then, if that just didn't plop in my lap...so, I guess the Renoir book will be put aside for a few days.

still contemplating...